AHEM...ER...OH DEAR

Oh lordy, lordy, lordy.....how in the world am I going to give this particular blog entry an iota of a bit of class.  Like everything else I do in life.....I'll just strap on my boots, and jump in feet first!

Interesting little thing happened to me today.....there's got to be a first for everything!  As I am known to do.....I have a tendency to shoot from the hip, and share some of my odder life experiences.  Today was no different than any before this.  I decided to try a new nail salon.....one of those places that is ALWAYS busy.....which in my mind, means it does a damn good job of making both women and men look ever so smashing.  Since the Big Boober and I were in the neighborhood, I decided, what the heck, but to give this new salon a try.  I was rather pleased that they decided to take me as a walk-in, considering the place was pretty well packed.  So they pointed me in the direction of the little bit of a gal that was going to turn my ever-growing talons into 10 gorgeous little beauties (yes, I have 10 toes.....and no funky nubbins sticking out here and there).  So I picked out my IN YO FACE HOT PINK polish.....hopped onto the chair.....and then my girl reached alongside me and pushed THE button.  You know the one.....the massage your back while you get pampered one.  NO......OH.....HELL.....NO!!!  This was unlike ANY massage that I've EVER gotten in ANY salon.  This was something from those opium dens where drug-crazed little ladies of ill repute ask if they can make you happy for long time!  As I'm sitting there.....I found that I had to rearrange my ass, thinking I was sitting in some sort of a new-fangled chair.  OH YEA.....I rearranged myself alright.....right into a position that had me thinking.....is this for real!  Let me give you a visual here.....I've got those roller balls working there way up and down my back (I think they felt good).....then I had this bar doing another thang.....a new thang.....some thang I've never sat on before.  This holy mother of gawd chair had a bar thang.....that moved up and down.....back and forth.....on my pootie tang thang!!!  Once I realized that it wasn't going to keep moving up my backside and regions north.....I found myself eyeballing the other ladies in the room.  No one else's chair was rocking and rolling like mine.....though the other ladies all had their heads tilted back with their eyes closed and suspiciously looking like they were in nirvana (hmmmm).  It hit me at that very moment that this was really damn funny.....as in I wanted to burst out laughing funny.....funny enough that I wanted to share with all in the room what a wild ride my chair was taking me on.  Then I thought that these ladies would wonder why the Amazonian woman was laughing wildly.....and then I'd have to explain it.....and then all the little salon ladies would giggle uncontrollably behind their little hands knowing they work in a pleasure palace that fronts for a nail salon!  The little voice in my head (which I rarely listen to) said to shut up and enjoy the ride.....that the explanation would be far more embarrassing than what was happening to my lower half.  As I bit my lip on several more occasions.....I decided I was woman enough to handle this slow horse to ecstasy.....and just buckle up and enjoy the ride!

Did I mention I got a fabulous pedi?!?