At roughly 3:00 PM on Saturday afternoon I exhaled for the first time since Wednesday. For those of you who aren't aware of this bit of news.....I was selected as a finalist in the Central Market Hatch Chile Recipe Contest!!! As a head's up.....for the Houston store, there were ONLY 6 finalists out of more than 300 entrants!!! That alone was reward enough for me! When I first read the email letting me know that I was a finalist.....I had an 'oh sh*t' moment.....as in.....can I really do this! I know.....I let my nerves get the best of me.....and those nerves stayed with me throughout the next 3 days. I swear that the Big Boober was more excited about me being chosen than I was! Why you ask??? One BIG reason.....I was afraid that I'd have to stand before a crowd and talk.....as in saying something that didn't come out sounding like a bloody fool on any combination of uppers! Who's needs uppers when you're me! Let me give you the blow-by-blow starting with Wednesday.....
Wednesday is when I got the email that I was a finalist (yea, I know, I already mentioned that, but there's got to be a beginning to this tale). Anywho.....the Big Boober and I were at Best Buy, and I was hanging out by the TV's waiting for him to finish doing his business. Out he comes, and I thrust my phone in his face, and said, "read this".....his response....."who's David." Serious eyeroll on my part....."nooooo, READ the email." Big congratulations on his part.....and me saying, "I don't think I can do this." Do our Best Buy thing.....me having mini coronaries throughout the whole store. Day continues.....coronaries continue.....and lots of pep talks from me to me! Head to buy a truckload of Hatch chiles.....oh, did I mention that the contest was on SATURDAY.....as in 3 days from Wednesday.....back to the buying part.....go to THE store that carries Hatch chiles on my side of town and there are NO chiles.....freak out time.....find veggie employee.....and thank my lucky stars, but yes, fresh Hatch chiles are in the back.....SCORE!!! Wanted to get 1/2 mild and 1/2 hot.....no hot.....better safe than sorry I sometimes say.....so it was going to be an all mild recipe. Go home and have many mini battles with myself why I should just bow out of this thing. Proceed to have 3 faux beers (because I can't have REAL booze.....no thanks to my stinkin' liver).....this was a definite case of making my mind think I was getting a faux buzz (and yes, it works.....at least in my head it does).
Thursday I've come to the conclusion that I HAVE to buck up and do this contest. Why? Because I've now told every person plus half a dozen more that "I'm a finalist".....so that means I'd look like a Class A schmuck if I didn't put on my big girl panties and present my dish. Now that it's quite clear since I'm going to be doing this.....even though I was having rapid-fire moments of panic throughout the day.....that I had to dust off my recipe and start perfecting every inch of it. The biggie.....roasting the peppers so that they wouldn't turn into a shredded mess from the moment I finished my dish to when it sat on that counter before the judges. If I may fast-forward a bit here.....I roasted more Hatch chiles than there are men and women on this Earth to eat them (not really, but it sounds so much grander than it really was). Moving on.....
Friday was more roasting.....AND.....smart one here decided to get the meat stuffing made AND rolled into nifty little cone-shaped thingy-bobbers to be stuffed into all those roasted chiles. Then I got all my implements of destruction all set to go to the contest.....made up a nifty recipe to present with my dish.....then I really hate to admit this, but I made myself a timeline to follow to the "T".....which made sure I'd get everything done, and me out the door by 12:50 PM on Saturday.....I know.....uber Anal Annie!!! Did I mention I was still having mini bouts of 'I can't do this'.....though I still plugged on.
Saturday is the freakin' day!!! There was no time to spazz out, battle with myself, have panic attacks.....nada! All I had time to do was follow my anal schedule.....I roasted chiles.....peeled chiles.....stuffed chiles.....wrapped chiles.....BBQ'd chiles.....and then walked out that door not knowing what to expect. Let me give you a hint.....my worst fear came true.....yes.....what I stressed about, worried over, panicked myself into a different mind zone, freaked out till I couldn't think straight.....all of that came true! I'm going to spare you the gory details.....now on to the moment we walked out the door.....at PRECISELY 12:50 PM (anal is as anal does).....
Between the Big Boober and I, we got everything safely packed into the Transformer.....I swear at this point I was more worried about one of us tripping and all my hard work would now be one big giant mess on the driveway.....there'd be no picking it up, giving it a quick dust off, and call everyone to dinner! Somehow that never spoken rule wouldn't fly here. So now we're heading on down the road.....I'm all quiet-like.....the Big Boober senses a disturbance in the Force, and knows the Force well enough to leave the Force alone! Meanwhile, I'm envisioning car wrecks where the Transformer would flip head over tail, and I'd see Hatch Rattlers flying throughout the cab, attaching themselves to wherever they'd land. Well, none of that happened.....and we safely pulled into Central Market's parking lot.....got a front row spot (wondering if this was the beginning of the Good Luck Gods).....saw someone that suspiciously appeared to be a finalist (how many people walk into a grocery store carrying a big-ass box and wearing a chile pepper tie.....DUH). Into the store we go.....see the sign pointing us to the Cooking School.....and walk in.....and wait......and 25 minutes later we're still waiting.....then the big kahuna enters.....and let the games begin!!! We've now got 5 minutes to set up our dishes. Here's me setting up my Hatch Rattlers.....
Here's my Hatch Rattlers.....with all the drips cleaned up.....and ready to go to the counter.....
Just remembered that I need to get my recipe to go along with the dish.....
Here's the other finalist's entries before they were cut up and consumed by the judges and entrants.....please forgive me if I don't have the exact names (remember, I was too damn nervous to pay attention to what they were called).
Bison Meatloaf with Hatch Chiles.....
Sandwich with a Hatchenade (like a tapenade).....
Hatch Rattlers (my entry).....
Tomatoes Topped with a Pancetta Stuffed with Hatch Something Salad.....
Burger with Hatch Chile Something on a Hatch Chile Bun.....
Crabby Hatch.....
So there's the line-up.....left to right.....just how it was set up on the counter. Then in walk the four judges.....one was the General Manager of Houston's Central Market.....the Cooking School Manager.....the Head of Food Services, aka Chef.....and last but not least, was the first ever customer chosen judge. Here's the Fab Four.....
Then my nightmare came true.....what I feared most.....we each had to stand before the four judges, with a TV camera pointed right at us, and the store's photographer snapping away, while we each explained why our dish is so important to us.....and also tell a little bit about your dish. Here's what I looked like a moment before my nightmare came to fruition.....looking exceptionally dorky.....
And this is me after finding out I had to stand up there and talk. Please notice how I turned all shades of red.....
So Meatloaf Guy goes up there and gives a great speech. Sandwich Girl does her spiel. Then it's yours truly's turn. Let's just say as it got closer and closer to my turn.....my throat started constricting.....my face and neck temperature were in competition with hell's worst day.....my heart was beating a mile a minute.....my mouth suddenly went dry (as in desperate for a drop of water).....and I swear on a stack of bibles that my tongue even began to swell! Getting the picture here.....this gal doesn't stand before a crowd (or strangers) and say jack sh*t! I'm a comedian around family and friends.....but that's the fence line of my safety zone! So now the judge says, "Hatch Rattlers".....and that's my cue to step forward and begin my spiel. I bolted out of my chair like I was zapped clear up my ass with a bazillion bolts of electricity.....walk up to the counter and plant myself by my dish.....and I swear to the good man above.....my hands start doing spastic things like you'd never seen before. They had a mind of their own.....
As I'm damn near shouting my tale.....in the back of my mind I'm willing my hands to stop flinging all over the place. I kept saying.....PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE COUNTER WOMAN, AND DON'T MOVE THEM!!! Here's my feeble attempt at listening to myself.....and notice how clenched they are.....
I was impressed with myself that I looked at each and every one of the judges AND the camera-man AND the photographer before I had the BIG ONE!!! Just kidding.....I made sure I ended my tale before I made a bigger babbling, hand-spazzing fool than I already proved that I was.....and then I sat down.....and waited for the Tomato Gal, Burger Gal, and Crab Gal to do their thing. Here's a shot of a bite of everyone's dishes.....
Then the judges announce that they are going into the secret chambers to deliberate on who has the crazy best Hatch chile recipe in the whole Houston area.....so off they go for 15 grueling minutes. I sit there chatting with the Big Boober.....throwing back comments on what we observed with the judges.....my dish got second servings with two of the judges.....another one of the judges looked at my recipe, then looked at me and gave a nod of approval.....which left me delightedly confused. Here's how I snazzed up my recipe to give it an extra kick.....by the way.....those are the ACTUAL peppers that I used in my dish that you see as the background of the recipe.....
Then the judges come back in.....they give each and every one of us their kudos.....and then like lightning.....no pregnant pause here.....it was just thrown out there for those who were listening.....the winner was Crabby Hatch. If the Crab Gal hadn't squealed with delight, I'd have never known what dish won.....it really happened that fast. Would I have loved being the winner? Sure. But what I love even more.....MY RECIPE will be going into the next Central Market Cookbook!!! Now how awesome is that!!! Plus, each of the finalists got a gift bag full of goodies.....
Plus this t-shirt.....
.....and most of all.....once my nerves came in check.....and I finally exhaled.....I realized that I did have a fun time.....it was a great experience.....and damn it.....but I was ONE of SIX FINALISTS out of over 300 people in the Houston area to have been extended the honor of being a part of the 15th Annual Central Market Hatch Chile Recipe Contest!!! Now that's SPECTACULAR!!!
Stayed tuned.....tomorrow will be the step-by-step Hatch Rattler "Finalist" recipe!!!
Last but not least.....all photos were taken by the fabulously sexy Big Boober!!!
