Reprieve

The past three days have been so incredibly stressful for both Dan and I. My heart broke to see the stress and worry on my husband’s face. As for me, I tried to appear strong and not let the worries show. I had to be strong and positive for Dan. A little history here.....Dan has suffered from headaches every day of his life, with the past few months getting to the point of being unbearable. I’m sure some of you remember that he was hospitalized for them a few months ago. Back in 2001 and 2002 he had surgery on several vertebrae in the cervical portion of his neck as a result of a hereditary degenerative disc disease. All went well as a result of those surgeries, and to this very day, everything is still in tip-top condition. On Tuesday, Dan saw his orthopedic surgeon to recheck the condition of his neck, and see if that’s what is causing his current headaches. From the initial x-ray the doctor could see quite a bit of arthritis that would cause pain, and more degeneration of the bone, but wanted to do a MRI and CAT scan because an area of his upper spine was pushing forward, and if not treated could cut off his spinal cord, which would cause certain death. The treatment would be surgery, and a very serious one at that. He would have a metal plate attached to his skull, and that would be attached to a rod that would run halfway down his back, then donor bone grafts would be attached to that, and in time it would be one solid bone. In other words, my dear husband would never be able to turn his head again. Think of the limitations in life that would bring up, not being able to drive being one of them. So after the MRI and CAT scan yesterday, we met with the doctor and at this time he does not recommend the surgery because of how invasive it would be. There is a way that he wants to help control Dan’s pain, and if that doesn’t work, then we go to plan B, which in itself may still result in him having the surgery. Bottom line…..Dan has to see the orthopedic surgeon every six months for an x-ray to watch the vertebrae that’s moving forward (currently it’s moved a significant amount since his original surgeries, but has not moved at all in the past two years). I would like to see Dan undertake a lifestyle change as a preventive measure to either prevent or delay this surgery, as long as he can control the pain. In his heart he feels like the doctor has temporarily put off the inevitable. Our lives are now on a 6-month to 6-month basis. When we were driving home from the doctors yesterday, I was quite numb, but felt hopeful. Today I feel all the emotions that I kept bottled up coursing through my body. I feel a release coming on, but wanted to do it in a constructive way, and I find writing it out, here specifically, helps tremendously. I feel I can get a better grasp of what is going on in my head when I see these words travel through my fingers to the keyboard, and then appear before my eyes on the screen that sits before me. For those who believe in a higher power, please keep my sweet husband in your prayers. Let that be your random act of kindness for today. Peace to all.....